The institution of marriage is found in all cultures and societies at all times in history. However, the definition of when marriage occurs varies from place to place and changes in history. By the standards of early medieval Europe the great majority of American marriages would be considered invalid given the absence of a dowry for the wife from the husband's family. With the development of the Roman Catholic idea of marriage as a sacrament, consecration by a priest became the defining point at which husband and wife were married. Unconsecrated marriage was recognized in certain cases, especially among the poor. (The ancient church did not view marriage as a sacrament.) In America the Puritans were the first to establish the current definition of the point at which the couple are married: issuance of a license by the civil authority signed by one of those given this power by the state, that is, the justice of the peace, minister, or ship's captain that heard the mutual consent of the bride and groom. Of course, a variety of ceremonies "solemnize" marriage. The basic American pattern with white dress, best man, bride's maids, ring(s), and the exchange of vows goes back to the customs of pagan Rome. (However, then walnuts, not rice, were thrown at the couple.)
The Biblical view of when marriage occurs is not found in these traditions. This is not to say that there is anything wrong with various traditions, unless they make religious claims contrary to Scripture, such as in the Roman Catholic doctrine of marriage as a sacrament. However, there is a distinct Biblical teaching on what constitutes marriage in God's eyes, as opposed to the traditions of men. That teaching is cited in our text. It is specifically important for Christians because marriage was instituted to teach us about Christ and the church.
In verse 31 the phrase "For this reason" is part of the original quote from Genesis. In that passage Adam exclaimed after seeing the woman made by God from his rib: "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man" (Gen 2:23). The citation above is God's declaration in Genesis 2:24, which follows Adam's words. This verse is the commentary on the making of the woman from the man and Adam's response: it establishes the institution of marriage. This is Jesus's understanding of Genesis 2:24 (Mt 19:5; Mk 10:7-8).
There are three aspects of the Biblical definition of marriage. First, "a man shall leave his mother and father." The emphasis is on the man because he is the head of the family. Only in his father's house would another man hold that position. Jacob was his father-in-law's servant, however, when he returned to the country of Isaac, he did not live in his father's camp (Gen 33:17; 35:21,27). The word translated "shall leave," kataleipsei, involves explicitly a change of residence in certain passages (Mt 4:13; 21:17). Thus, the first phase of marriage involves the husband setting up his own household apart from his parents.
The second phase of marriage is expressed in the words "be joined to his wife" proskollethesetai. This translation does not give the strong sense of the original Greek. Today we might join a variety of organizations or clubs and never even meet another "member." However, this verb means joining together two persons or things so that they are in very close contact and virtually inseparable. Therefore, the second phase in establishing a marriage is the creation of a close relationship in which the husband and wife tend to stick together in various activities.
Although a Biblical understanding of the first two phases of marriage has been hindered by weak translation, the third phase has been misunderstood due to more serious errors. There are three basic interpretations of the words that constitute the third phase of marriage, "shall become one flesh."
The first interpretation (very common among evangelicals) is that this phrase refers to sexual intercourse. I will not dwell on this nearly blasphemous notion because it has no Scriptural basis. Paul's warning against marrying the sexually immoral or even prostitutes should not be interpreted to mean that sexual intercourse creates a one flesh relationship (1 Cor 6:16). That warning was especially relevant in Corinth given the thousands of prostitutes. It was not so scandalous to marry a prostitute in that city since many Greeks viewed sexual intercourse as simply meeting of a physical need and not a moral issue (1 Cor 6:13).
The second interpretation at least has some Biblical basis. It argues that becoming one flesh refers to the wife becoming part of the husband's family.
I favor the third interpretation, based on the common meaning of the word "flesh" to refer to a natural life. The description of this unity as being in the flesh is significant. Husband and wife do not become "one soul." The soul by God's will survives death, but a marriage ends with the physical death of one spouse (Rom 7:2-3). Therefore, the third phase of marriage, is making a life together in this world, with common interests and desires.
Marriage occurs when all three phases are in effect. Let us apply the Biblical definition in a number of areas in which tradition often reigns for Christians. For one, based on this definition a young person should not be compelled to get married simply as a result of sexual immorality. Misunderstanding the meaning of "one flesh" in the Bible leads some to force marriage, even to unbelievers.
Another application involves cases in which a legal marriage has occurred. We should not assume that every relationship called a marriage by society equals the Biblical definition of a marriage. Some couples who have a marriage license issued by the civil authority are not married Biblically speaking. For example, I saw a movie once, not a good movie, about a man who gets drunk in Las Vegas and marries a woman that he just met. The next day he regrets his action and they are "divorced." Such a couple should be treated by the church as though they had never been married. The Biblical standard may require investigation into these circumstance by the elders. The civil definition of marriage must be respected but not applied uncritically in the church so as to deny the Lordship of Christ over the relationship that points to His union with the church.
The overwhelming majority of civil marriages in the United States have exhibited to some extent the three phases of the Biblical definition of marriage. However, the marring of any or all of these phases of marriage by sin does not mean that the marriage has ended as long as both spouses live.
In verse 32 "mystery" refers to knowledge that must be revealed. It cannot be deduced from logic or experience. The Old Testament contains many passages in which Israel is described as betrothed to God. Psalm 45 speaks of the wedding of the Divine Messiah. Jewish commentators in Paul's day also spoke of marriage as symbolic of the relationship of God to His people. However, no one had perceived that Genesis 2:24 pointed to Christ and the church. Such knowledge had to be revealed.
God's plan of salvation is present in the institution of marriage. Christ leaves His heavenly Father to gather the church. Indeed, in dying for their sins, Christ even had to leave the church, which he called His mother, brothers and sisters (Mt 12:50), as well as His human mother, Mary. This represents the first phase of marriage. Through His Holy Spirit the church is joined to Him, drawn to an ever closer relationship in sanctification. That is the second phase of marriage. Finally, the church's union with Christ is effective because it was promised in Genesis 2:24. Therefore, the elect are raised in Him, members of His body. This third phase of marriage, union with Christ, is the fulfillment of the promise of salvation. Thus we see that God's plan of salvation was determined before the fall of Adam, along with his yet uncreated wife and all their descendants in him (See also Eph 1:4).
Verse 33 shows that although marriage primarily points to Christ and the church, God's commands for marriage still apply to Christian husbands and wives in this world. Paul repeats and summarizes the command to the husband that he "love his own wife as him self." However, the summary of the wife's duty does not mention submission but that she "respects her husband." Respect seems like a poor equivalent of submission, until the original language is examined. Indeed, the word translated "respects" means to "fear." Paul's selection of this word evokes the Hebrew use of the word also translated as fear, as in the many cases of phrases such as "the fear of God."
There is no basis in Scripture for the use of physical coercion by a husband against his wife. Such discipline is mentioned with regard to children and slaves, but not wives. Wives must submit in response to the Word of God, not force. Nevertheless, wives that abuse that situation by acting in a manner that they would be afraid to do with a violent man, are not submitting to their husbands. A wife's fear of her husband must come from her fear of God. God is the one who has made him her head. However, no Christian wife wants to seem bitter or resentful against God, so the husband is treated the way she would like to treat God.
Wives who are not loved by their husbands and husbands who are not feared by their wives should not themselves cease to obey the Lord's commands. Indeed, being faithful to the Lord's commands for marriage despite the circumstances is a powerful witness that such a person is looking forward to the wedding feast of the Lamb in the new heaven and earth. On the other hand, being overcome by bitterness or resentment suggests that such a person only has hope for marriage in this world. The first witnesses to such mutual faithlessness will be the children.
In summary, we have seen that although the Bible defines when marriage occurs for all people there are specific lessons for Christians which Paul derives from the institution of marriage in Genesis 2:24. In my first point based on verse 31, I described the three phases in the Genesis institution of marriage, and therefore stated that: Christian marriage occurs when a man and woman start their own household, act as a couple, and establish a new life together. Secondly, based on verse 32, I argued that Christian marriage reflects Christ's gathering of the church to Himself. Thirdly, in response to verse 33, I emphasized that Christian marriage in this world expresses faith in its fulfillment with Christ in the new heaven and earth.
Although throughout history some have sought to impose their own definitions in these matters and many others relevant to the church, for Christians marriage is defined by God's Word, not human logic, ethics, tradition or law.
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